Gone Awry

This tall skinny juniper has gone all awry. Tilted, oddly branched, and growing in no soil whatsoever, it is a thing by our garage door. 

When I say it grows in no soil, you have to see that. 

It is surrounded by impervious stone and cement, and the space around its trunk is just inches wide.

On the other side of the gate is our cement driveway and garage, no soil anywhere whatsoever for many yards on that side either. 

How does this thing grow? And yes, it is growing. 

When we moved in seven years ago it was a tidier pencil shaped thing, barely up to the roofline of the garage. Now it is over the roofline and has sent out angled branches and is tilting more than ever.

It's getting Frankenstein scary looking and should probably come out. It's a stiff, unattractive tree, it's way too close to the wall and gate and it blocks the wall sconce light next to the side door.

But it does provide some screening as you approach the gate. Without it you'd see directly into the back yard as you come up the driveway, and we'd be visible over the fence from the street as we come and go daily from kitchen door to garage.

But ugh, it's tilted, gone all wacky and needs something. If I don't take it out, could I prune it effectively? I think so. Here's where I'd lop it, assuming I could even get up a stepladder or wield a pole pruner.

Or should I have it taken out? 

We removed the bushy Chinese privet on the right side of the blue door this winter. Without the tall Frankentree on the left side, it will be awfully bare, even after I plant something where the little table is now.

I had to laugh -- when I was in California my four year old granddaughter was looking at pictures on my laptop and saw these photos of the funny juniper and asked "Grammy, is that your Christmas tree?"

I chuckled. Would a few ornaments and a garland help this situation?